Skip to main content

Random Thoughts from the Back Burner

Here are some random thoughts from The Back Burner.

I work with a guy who's our pastor's son. He's a brilliantly gifted graphic artist and creates many of the animated video introductions we use for our message series, and he's taken a year off between high school and college to save up some money and work at the church on staff. But he's 19, and he has some habits. One of them is to break wind anywhere he feels like it. They don't usually smell bad, they're just loud.

He once said, "If I could fart money, I'd be rich."
To which I countered, "Not necessarily. Just because it's louder doesn't mean it's worth more."

He looked at me, puzzled, so I continued. "Think about it. If you were to drop a dollar's worth of quarters on a table, they'd make noise. But think of how much more noise a dollar's worth of pennies would make." I then went on to formulate that paper bills make even less noise; henceforth, the louder one's farts, the less hypothitical money they would make. That person's farts would have to be nearly silent in order to make a decent living.

He looked away, pondering this truth. My job was done for the day.


One of the video series I produce and direct at my church is called The Little Timmy Chronicles. My good friend and fellow musician Tim was game to help me shoot a video illustration for one of the messages we were doing a while back, and he did so well with my direction and his own personality coming off of the screen that I decided we would have to keep this going. Once I told him the name of the series, he was like, "Dude, no. Little Timmy?" But the name stuck, and people often ask us when the next one's coming up.

I would love to do an episode where Little Timmy just doesn't get the signs posted all around him. The first one that came to my mind is on a road near the Alton Police Department that says "Caution: Deaf Child Area." I could just picture a camera mounted to the hood of the car, aimed at the side of the car where Timmy would be sticking his head out the window, yelling "HEY, MOVE!!!"


My pastor is a former electrician, so he's often in the media room helping us connect, reconnect, or patch in new equipment in different ways as we increase our productivity. I remember once we all got into a discussion on whether someone said "big S-video cable" or "big-ass video cable". It's stuff like that that reminds me how human my pastor is, and how much I really like working with and for him.


My father is also a retired electrician. When I was twelve, he gave me a small paperback electrician's handbook, in case I ever needed to reference anything. When I was twelve, I was playing Nintendo, discovering metal and alternative music, and developing my skills as a trumpet player. I was also eating way too much. The only thing I could do with electronics was plug in my cassette player. I don't know what he thought I was going do use the book for, unless it was to discover the family joules.

That's okay, you don't have to groan for my benefit. I know it's a horrible, horrible joke. It was when I was twelve, too.


I've got a coupon from QuikTrip that I haven't redeemed yet, good for a free BBQ Chicken Taquito. The expiration date is 4-20. I'm just sayin'.

Anyone remember that old song they used to sing in children's churches called "I've Been Redeemed"? The song went like this:

I've been redeemed
By the blood of the lamb
I've been redeemed
By the blood of the laaaa-eyaa-eyaamb
I've been redeemd by the blood of the lamb
Filled with the holy ghost, I am
All my sins are washed away
I've been redeemed

Well, I made up new lyrics to that not too long ago.

I've been redeemed
For a 20-ounce shake
I've been redeemed
For a 20-ounce shaaa-eyaa-eyaake
I've been redeemed for a 20-ounce shake
Goes great with a burger made out of steak
I'm worth 100th of a cent
I am a coupon


That's all for now. Enjoy.

There Is No Box.

Popular posts from this blog

The Top 100 Christian Albums of the 1990s: The Top Ten (plus 1)

So I've learned one thing about writing a blog series: plan better. For instance, don't try to write the last installment the week before Easter when you work at a church full-time. That's just a losing proposition.

Here we are. The pinnacle. The peak. The top of the mountain, the best of the best.
The Top 10 Christian Albums of the 1990s. Forget AC/pop radio, because you're not going to hear mid-30s mommy music here. Unless you were a mid-30s mommy in the '90s and actually listened to this stuff. Then it's totally yours. But these albums, to me, are the most beloved, most artistic, most groundbreaking, most creative, and most important albums from that decade, and they span from the very beginning of the 1990s to the very end.

If you hate spoilers, and you want to revisit the rest of the Top 100 before actually diving into the Top 10, you can find them here:
Honorable Mentions

Now, then . . . here we go.

10. SQUINT - Ste…

The Top 100 Christian Albums of the 1990s: 40-31

When the clock finally strikes midnight on this list, my hope is that those who read this series will be inspired to check out some of the albums listed here, and thus find out more about the goodness of God. Yeah, the music is an example of great, quality musicianship and stellar production, but there are truths about the nature of God inherent in the very music itself. If nothing else, we have an opportunity to catch a glimpse of the Father with our eyes completely shut.

So, here we go. Continuing the count with #40.

40. WORLDS AWAY - Crumbacher-Duke
I saw a print ad for this album in CCM Magazine, and I liked the fashions that Stephen Crumbacher and Christopher Duke were wearing. Back when many Christian bookstores were doing the "Buy 4 Get 1 Free" sticker promotions, I used the stickers I'd saved to get this cassette for free, and I'm glad I did. It would be several years later when I realized who the "Crumbacher" was in the duo, but I was very glad to hav…

The Top 100 Christian Albums of the 1990s: 20-11

Witty and thoughtful introduction. 
Okay, let's get to it.

20. OUR NEWEST ALBUM EVER! - Five Iron Frenzy
Five Iron Frenzy's frantic, humor-laced ska-core blasted its way onto the scene with Upbeats and Beatdowns, their full-length debut. It turned a lot of heads, and created a fanbase stronger than what you would expect to find with most bands. Then, they had to up the ante.

our newest album ever! brings a sharper production to the fold, and the guys (and girl) in FIF had lost none of their intensity or energy. "Handbook for the Sellout" opens up the album with a comedown on haters who find it hard to like a band after they've blown up big, completely with big, meaty hooks and the pointed lyric, "Do you remember where we all came from?" FIF had a knack for cutting right past the BS and lofty spiritual thinking to address concrete, down-to-earth issues from the same Christian perspective, which is why this song and many others in their catalog appealed to th…