Musings of a Comic, Vol. 01

Hello, all you happy people. Here are some thoughts I had one day. I often try to put together material I think will work as a stand-up comedy act, and this is some of my train of thought.

December 20, 2008. 1:52 p.m.

One of the things that has always occurred to me that I think has been a little lost by the men of this country is a sense of chivalry. I'm talking about the way men treated women back in the Middle Ages -- not that they were subjects and always served their husbands, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the fact that the husband was the picture, the ideal of nobility to his wife. He was generous to his wife, he did everything for her, he loved her, he required only that she be faithful to him.

Basically, chivalry today amounts to nothing more simple than showing respect to women, which I think a lot of guys don't do anymore. There are a lot of men out there -- husbands, boyfriends, what have you -- that treat the women in their lives like absolute crap. I don't want to be one of those guys. I mean, look at the undershirts so guys wear. We call them "wife-beaters" now. They used to be called A-shirts, and I don't know what that is. I know what a T-shirt is, but when I was younger, wife-beaters were called A-shirts. I don't know why. It doesn't look like an A, it looks more like an H. Hick. Hoosier. I digress.

Men, in general, don't respect women as much as they used to, and I don't know why that is. We see sex all over the place, and women are often viewed as little more than sex objects. And what's more, women propagate this viewpoint because I think that they think that's exactly how men want their women to be, and I don't think that's true.

I think we need to get back to the rules of chivalry. If you're not aware of what they are, I'm gonna give you 3 very basic things to remember. These have been passed down from the Middle Ages that I think should apply across the board to everyone:
Number One. Always be respectful of a woman by never disrespecting her in front of other people. If you have an argument, you wanna fight, you guys wanna call each other names or anything like that, do it in private. Never, ever disrespect a woman in front of your friends, because it's not gonna garner any laughs from her.
Number Two. Always hold the door open for a lady. Whether you're dating her or not, whether you're her husband or not. It's just good manners, it's nice, it's polite to do. Help her out. Number Three. Never, ever wear your iron underwear to bed. Just don't do it. Aside from the chafing factor, it's . . . it's cold. And she doesn't like that. So don't do it.

There Is No Box.